IF YOU ASK ME

When Omawumi sang that track I laughed it off, I did not realise she was telling my story, my neighbours could not tell me in plain words, they kept singing "if you ask me...."

How can you blame me for it, even if I married a cheat, could I have also known he was a beast?

Why are my in-laws making excuses for him? I am not a murderer, I only take away from the land of the living descendants of Lucifer. The bible says".... and the violent taketh it by force..." I do not exactly remember how my pastor used to explain that verse I have not been in church for ages, am stucked in this dark room where my in-laws sent me. Yes I did it, you want to blame me? Let me ask you before you judge me,

 "what will you do to protect your child"

Am not going to bore you with stories about myself, am going to tell you the truth.

I am a working class lady, I grew up eating from trays, had meals scooped unto plates from shovels like they do in the IDP camps in Nigeria.

I had broken the Jinx of poverty, I was doing well for myself, I had a man in my bed, we were joined in holy matriMONEY. I was a wife to him, I opened my legs wide apart every time he asked.

***Fast-forward to two months ago****

I came home one weekend and I think the Lord ministered to me, "my daughter take the week off".My Husband was not a civil servant like I was so he was used to being home most of the time. I did not have a maid so I worked overtime on weekends to cover-up for the hours I spent taking care of my home, I did not go on annual leaves either.

One of those days when I had took the week off, I dressed like I would do when going to work, my eldest daughter had a stomach ache and could not join her siblings to school so I left without her , I returned home. Hoping to surprise everyone not realising the surprise was for me,I noticed the neighbours talking in whispers and glancing at me, well I took it they were not used to seeing me home at such a time.

If Omawumi had been clearer I wouldn't have opened the door, a Doctor would have been close by, unarmed I inserted the key into the key hole and immediately the door obeyed, I stepped into some floral display, everywhere had this romantic feel, candle lights and all, I smiled to myself wondering when my husband had become such a romantic.

I wanted to  call out to him but I decided against it, I have been 16 before and I had not forgotten how to play the hide and seek, so tiptoed to our room, my husband was not in the room, but the mood was all set,rose petals, and perfumed oils. I began to undress, then I remembered this lingerie I had bought some 5years back, I put it on and got ready for "work" perhaps we could "make" another baby.

Still no sign of my husband, I wasn't bothered because I had barely been in there for 15mins, I heard the shower rushing, and I got some naughty thoughts, I opened the door to our huge cubicle bath.........

I saw my husband in the bath and then my eldest daughter, she seemed numb like she was under some influence, I could not scream, those silly tears were getting me blind, I tried so hard to see I could not, they began to run down my checks.

I called out to the Beast before me, I called him by his botanical name, Etim-Ekpeobot, he couldn't answer me he stood there dumb founded, dressed like Adam,wtih the same shame filled expression Adam had when God called out to him in the garden of Eden. My daughter had stepped out of the cubicle but she was numb, she did not seem to know what was happening.

I did not know if I should mourn for my mistake, did I do wrong? How could I have known I married a beast? He should have beaten me instead, he could have cheated on me.I did not know if I were to mourn for my unresponsive daughter whom I did not know what damage she had gone through. Was I to mourn for the imminent death of my husband? Or for the end of my marriage?

I rushed out of the house I called on the neighbours to come to my aid, I was going  insane, I couldn't take it, I did not understand what was before my eyes. The neighbours ignored me only one woman was kind enough to tell me,

"The thing wey u see so, no be me go talk am" Omawumi again? I begged her to be plain and she said "ask your daughter it's not the first time".

I lost it and I went inside I dragged my daughter into the next room and locked the door, I begged my child to tell me what had happened, she had come around by this time and she began to kill me with her words,

"Mummy this is not the first time, Daddy said he will do the same to Ekaette (my youngest daughter who was 3years old) if I told you,he said you had made him do it, he said if I told you he will leave and never come back and that you were going to be sad and miserable without him, I did not want that to happen". For some reasons I did not weep I just stared into empty space while my daughter kept recounting her ordeal.

"It started three months ago, Dad gave me a special drink and asked that I sit with him and drink it, after that I felt dizzy and when I woke up I was in pains and daddy gave me drugs, he refused to tell me what had happened to me".

"The last time he gave me the drink I refused to drink it but he did not know, he came to my room at night when we were all asleep and began to touch me, I begged him to stop, I began to cry but he threatened me, he said he was going to touch Ekaette too, I begged him not to and promised to co-operate".

"He pulled my nightie, he was already naked and he began to kiss me, I tried to fight him but I couldn’t and he began to touch me down there, he told me I was sweet and before I knew it he was on top of me, it was very painful and when he was done I was bleeding.He said I should smile and not cry, he said I had just saved your marriage".

"Today he asked me to tell you I had a terrible stomach ache, I had left you a note under the tea cup asking you not to leave me but you refused to drink your tea despite how much I begged you. When you left he forced that drink down my throat and I became weak,he said he was going to show me how much he loves me, he got the entire house set and peeled off my clothes and took me into the bath, he was bathing and touching me all over but I was too weak to stop him, my eyes were dim and I seemed to be asleep so I told myself it was just a dream", and then you walked in.

I got up and took my daughter with me, I went to the garage and got my car filled with my children's clothing's and my credentials, I dropped by school to pick-up my younger children and dropped them at my mother's house with the promise that I will back, a promise I knew I would not keep.

I went home seemingly calm, and met the beast in the parlour he acted like nothing happened. I made him dinner, my mind was lost, I do not know how I managed to remain in the same room with him.

I retired to our matrimonial bed and I laid on one end, I was thinking of what I was going to do, I thought about the next step, maybe I slept off I cannot remember but I remember the last straw that broke the camel's back.

He came onto me, that beast of a husband was tugging at my jean which I had failed to lock with a padlock, he tried to kiss me, I stopped him for a moment and asked him what his problem was and he said, "am your husband and your body belongs to me".

I could not wait and ask him the questions on my mind I rushed out with all the adrenaline rushing through my body and I went to the kitchen and got the afang Knife, and just like I expected he was right behind and I dugged the knife right through his heart. He laid in the pool of his blood and I called His family members to show up for a family meeting the next morning, I also called my mother to show up with my kids.

I laid awake in the kitchen, the next morning my in-laws arrived and I brought them into the kitchen to see for themselves, I narrated to them the events that laid up to this.

My in-laws blamed me for their son's death, nobody was talking about my defiled daughter, to make matters worse they said she wasn't his child, they said my husband was a man and such things were bound to happen, they said I should begin to think of where to take my bastard children to because they would not allow a murderer enjoy the fruits of their son's labour after he was gone.

I could not take it anymore, I went inside my room and brought out a gun and shot into the air I asked them to leave my house before I killed the next person, my brother -in-law approached me and made to hit me and I shot him in the leg, they called the police and I was handed over.

My hearing is next week and these are the questions I want to ask the Judge

My Lord,

Was it my fault that I married such a man?

Was it my fault that my daughter was defiled?

I did try to protect her, I went to get them from school always, I did not let any stranger near my children.I had no relation or maid living in my house!

Was it not reflex to have made sure the person who hurt my child so much had no power to do so any more?

What will you do to the man who took away your daughter's dignity?

What will you do to protect your daughter's honour?

What will you do to save your child?

If you were Judge what will you do?

#girlfromthesouth