HAWKERS BY NIGHT

The evening breeze as usual lured me out and I wanted to go ahead with my romance, then I noticed some shabbily dressed young girl, there were a lot of them standing at different positions. There was this particular lady standing all by herself, seeming uncomfortable with what she wore. I would have simply passed by and not bother but there was something about her, she seemed like an open book beckoning on me to come read the lines within her. Her eyes held some kind of pain and disappointed, one look directly into her eyes I discovered this;

I saw a daughter who had left home with high expectations to earn a decent means of living, I saw a family kneeling and praying while their only daughter packed her bag ready to leave for “LAS GIDI” I saw younger ones who kept praying that the sun over sleeps and that the chickens become too sleepy to crow, so they could spend more time in the arms and enjoy the comforting stories of their “big sister”; but morning came too quickly and they bade her goodbye. When she looked away, I saw the person she had become, the innocence in her eyes were gone and all that lay within her eyes was guilt, she didn’t seem to remember who she used to be, she was hiding from the monster in her that had to rule for her to put “food” on her table. She had to make up her mind to dine with the devil every other night, she had become like the legal practitioner bound by the “cab rank rule”.

A bright light interferes with my line of thoughts, she says “5000 for a Quickie”, and hops in. The sound of the car zooming off  left me wondering what will happen to her perhaps her legs will be kept closed tonight, maybe he would just want to talk her, I laughed so hard at myself as if such people exist, “looking for someone to  talk to”? Call customer care!

#girlfromthesouth

WISHES

It’s Valentine’s Day and the memories of last night still hunt me, seated all alone guilty of letting the breeze caress me. I could have bared it all, yes! I was tempted it felt like heaven, cool, soothing and engrossing I tripped. I wanted to have that precious moment continue…I had left my room in search of some form of lie, a lie I have told myself over the years “provided my friends are happy, I don’t necessarily need to be happy”.

She had chocolates delivered to her in the most romantic way,

MORGUE MARKET

Morgue market

I will be a little bit defensive today!

"Madam, this gown fits perfectly, you sure look heavenly", that was the sales girl at the bridal shop telling me how good I looked. I saw something different in the mirror; I  saw a girl with a dirty past in a snow white ball gown covered with feathers which should have been red. I looked harder into the mirror behind me hoping the image I saw in the first would change, this time I saw something else for a change! I saw a scarred woman who was not worth being alive, I saw someone ugly and in that moment I realised I was not good enough for real. I did not want to be the run away bride, neither did I have the courage to face my past.The past was ever present trying to cast shadows into my future. I wanted to walk down the aisle but not with guilt, I needed to tell the truth about my past and today I set out to do so.

Pray for me, pray he does not call off the wedding, please pray. I won't justify my past but listen to my pains before you tell me what is right or wrong.

I was born with a wooden spoon, I hear my grandma talk about it she says it was made from chewing stick.I grew up in a house with many relatives. So many mouths to feed, ours was not a case of poverty, it was something close to being " church rats".

I woke up everyday  to the Sweet stench of my father's vomit you know these drunkards (shaking my head). Over the years I thought he would learn how to keep the beer he drank in his pregnant abdomen rather than pour it as libation to the 'gods". Asides being a drunkard my father's major occupation was beating up my mother, this was a job he had come to love with so much passion. My mother had become accustomed to the beating and that reflected in everything she did especially her clothing. If my mother had a beautiful body I would never know, she always wore long sleeves and long skirts considering she could not afford plastic surgery to correct the effects of the panel beatings she got every day.

My father did not "kick the bucket" he just "tripped on the pail", my mom and I had to survive somehow. We laid back a lot of relatives like they were workers, we adopted the "S.A.P" ( structural adjustment programme) soon our clothes became loose and the tailors helped us adjust them month after month.

One cold harmattan morning my mother had found a strong chemical to poison the bed bugs in our mattresses, we brought them out in the sun and began to sprinkle the chemical. I was excited and was looking forward to a good night sleep; I was going to snore tonight and in the process record something greater than Mozart the bed-bugs were gone! If only I had known there was some other bed-bug lurking in the shadows one with a human face. The night wore on and soon we retired to bed, my mother had took ill during the day and was at one of these "ufok akam". I was not home alone, my bunch of relatives were home too.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I heard banging on our door, I stirred and then sat up on my bed. Everywhere was dark and still for a moment then there was this flash of light and then a blinding slap followed this time it fell on my face, we were being robbed, I did not see my relatives but I heard voices in the sitting room. A masked man stood next to me and began to undo his belt at least that's the much I could see, he came up close and push me on the bed.

I will describe vividly what happened to me on that bed hoping to gain your sympathy,

He held me down, and I screamed, I struggled with him and later resorted to begging, two masked people walked into the room and helped to hold me down while I was being devoured. He tore my clothings and pulled out his mantle of leadership and descended on my virgin territory, it hurt a lot and he pushed harder hoping something in me would give way. He kept going inside my body like he was going to deliver me of a baby, he turned inside me like a gynaecologist trying to turn an breached baby; he started jerking at some point like he were epileptic and then withdrew like you would eject a CD-plate from a video player. Something cold dropped from him and that was my luck when the time was right I was going to make use of it.

It was round two another masked man was on top of me, this time I did not resist, I just laid there bitter and hurt thinking of what to do next, I thought of my mother and then I thought of that thing they said killed Fela, my mind was made up I was going to do something if not I would be dead by the third round because the other masked man was warming up.

I began to Jerk like the first man did, I started to foam in the mouth and they all left me like I was some abomination, the first man's pistol had dropped on the bed earlier, I picked it and aimed gradually making them retreat into the sitting room. I shut my eyes tightly and pulled the trigger someone fell, it turned out I had shot my mother who was just entering the house after the early morning prayers from the "ufok akam". I couldn't believe it, this had to be a dream, the masks went off and the human faces were that of my relatives, people who had rocked my cradle as a little baby.

I stood beside the men who raped me, the men who were supposed to protect me, I still had some bullets left in the pistol, I pulled the trigger and put an end to lives of everyone standing in front of me, all three of them gone in one night. An entire family wiped out. I cleaned my prints form the gun and sat beside my dead mother and then I faint. I woke up in the hospital the police believed my story and here I am 10 years later, with no one knowing the truth of what happened that night.

Do I tell my groom? He is a cop!

#girlfromthesouth

CHILD BRIDE

                                               ROSES ARE RED...VIOLETS ARE BLUE

I have always known I will be a bride. Yes! a #childbride but things changed for me, with all the media hype, and the people speaking up against it, I knew my fate had changed. I knew someone will come fighting for my freedom even before I was taken into captivity.

I began to see myself still as a bride but some two years later (when I clock 20), with someone in my generation, someone who will let me be me. Someone who will age with me.

One month ago,I tried to reach out to these freedom fighters, I tried to leave coded messages behind but it did not work. I still hoped against hope that they will come for me.

The celebrations I hear will not be elaborate, but I want an elaborate wedding! I was looking forward to it hoping my freedom fighters will show up in the nick of time, if they do not my prince charming will show up with a horse and take me away, that will be some huge drama that will keep people talking for a while, how I love dramas.

Nights turned into day and day into nights I was so full of hope, they will come for me.

It was due for the next day, I was not going to be sold out, my dreams were, dreams of being young and free, my dreams of being a bride.

Then it happened the deal was done, the bitter taste of it in my mouth will not let me say it in plain english.

Here is what I have to say;

Dear freedom fighters, I thought you would come.

Dear freedom fighters, I thought you had you ears to the ground.

Dear freedom fighters, am gone already there is no more you can do for me.

Dear freedom fighters, I thought your fight was a daily reality! But it seems to be seasonal like the cold harmattan breeze.

Dear freedom fighters, you took away my hope, why give me hope when you seemed just as helpless like me.

Dear freedom fighters do not fight for me,I am a lost cause.

Dear freedom fighters, please fight for the ones after me, the harvest is plenty is but the workers are few,who will break down the bars of iron?

Dear freedom fighters, this is how it all went down last night;

Do you want to hear it?

I will not tell you about the pain of consummation.

I will tell you about the emotions behind it.

All the while I laid there, I was numb. 

I was worried about the #childbrides who will not be able to numb the pain like I did.

I thought about you and your failed promises. I thought about my prince charming who did not come.

I thought about my parents and then I died a thousand times. 

I thought about the many people who will make it seem they cared about #childbrides like me.

I thought about the many people who will wag their tongue and gain popularity by sympathising with me! sympathy I do not clearly need.

It was done my childhood was taken away from me.

Why are you complaining?

I hear Kylie Jenner is same age as I am.

Let me ask the same question that was thrown at Stephanie Linus, "I want to be a girl again can you get that for me"?

#girlfromthesouth

SOMEDAY!!!!

Someday........

I hope to someday understand the Joy in meeting to part.
I hope to someday understand the pain of a frustrated youth.
I hope to understand how people fall out of love after taking the vows.
I hope to understand what fun men derive from taking the dignity of an unwillingly woman.
I hope to understand why the two towers on a woman's chest can be used to odd Jobs, but prevented from doing the one mission in the manual.
I hope to understand why people put a price tag on love.
I hope to understand why a man will beat a woman when there are football clubs to join and matches to be mad at.
BUT BEFORE ALL OF THAT ......
Someday when I grow up I will live the life I want to live, "late to bed late to rise" .
Someday when I grow up, I will be my own Boss and run the entire show; dish out orders like they were "courses" to be served then go home and be a loyal wife.
Someday when I grow up I will buy a house with a white picket fence.
Someday when I grow up I will go to Puerto Rico.
Someday when I grow up I will write my name in gold on every rock till you get to ZUBA town. Someday when I grow up I will eat so much Chocolate and not fear being scorned.
Someday when I grow up I will be a mother,  Someday when I grow up I will make my fairy  to bed late to rise".
Someday when I grow up I will walk down the aisle with the best option of a great father for my unborn children.
Someday when I grow up I will eat so much Chocolate and not fear being scorned.
Someday when I grow up I will be a mother to triplets.
Someday when I grow up I will make my fairy tales come true.
Someday when I grow up you will be there to smile back at how far we've come together

IF YOU ASK ME

When Omawumi sang that track I laughed it off, I did not realise she was telling my story, my neighbours could not tell me in plain words, they kept singing "if you ask me...."

How can you blame me for it, even if I married a cheat, could I have also known he was a beast?

Why are my in-laws making excuses for him? I am not a murderer, I only take away from the land of the living descendants of Lucifer. The bible says".... and the violent taketh it by force..." I do not exactly remember how my pastor used to explain that verse I have not been in church for ages, am stucked in this dark room where my in-laws sent me. Yes I did it, you want to blame me? Let me ask you before you judge me,

 "what will you do to protect your child"

Am not going to bore you with stories about myself, am going to tell you the truth.

I am a working class lady, I grew up eating from trays, had meals scooped unto plates from shovels like they do in the IDP camps in Nigeria.

I had broken the Jinx of poverty, I was doing well for myself, I had a man in my bed, we were joined in holy matriMONEY. I was a wife to him, I opened my legs wide apart every time he asked.

***Fast-forward to two months ago****

I came home one weekend and I think the Lord ministered to me, "my daughter take the week off".My Husband was not a civil servant like I was so he was used to being home most of the time. I did not have a maid so I worked overtime on weekends to cover-up for the hours I spent taking care of my home, I did not go on annual leaves either.

One of those days when I had took the week off, I dressed like I would do when going to work, my eldest daughter had a stomach ache and could not join her siblings to school so I left without her , I returned home. Hoping to surprise everyone not realising the surprise was for me,I noticed the neighbours talking in whispers and glancing at me, well I took it they were not used to seeing me home at such a time.

If Omawumi had been clearer I wouldn't have opened the door, a Doctor would have been close by, unarmed I inserted the key into the key hole and immediately the door obeyed, I stepped into some floral display, everywhere had this romantic feel, candle lights and all, I smiled to myself wondering when my husband had become such a romantic.

I wanted to  call out to him but I decided against it, I have been 16 before and I had not forgotten how to play the hide and seek, so tiptoed to our room, my husband was not in the room, but the mood was all set,rose petals, and perfumed oils. I began to undress, then I remembered this lingerie I had bought some 5years back, I put it on and got ready for "work" perhaps we could "make" another baby.

Still no sign of my husband, I wasn't bothered because I had barely been in there for 15mins, I heard the shower rushing, and I got some naughty thoughts, I opened the door to our huge cubicle bath.........

I saw my husband in the bath and then my eldest daughter, she seemed numb like she was under some influence, I could not scream, those silly tears were getting me blind, I tried so hard to see I could not, they began to run down my checks.

I called out to the Beast before me, I called him by his botanical name, Etim-Ekpeobot, he couldn't answer me he stood there dumb founded, dressed like Adam,wtih the same shame filled expression Adam had when God called out to him in the garden of Eden. My daughter had stepped out of the cubicle but she was numb, she did not seem to know what was happening.

I did not know if I should mourn for my mistake, did I do wrong? How could I have known I married a beast? He should have beaten me instead, he could have cheated on me.I did not know if I were to mourn for my unresponsive daughter whom I did not know what damage she had gone through. Was I to mourn for the imminent death of my husband? Or for the end of my marriage?

I rushed out of the house I called on the neighbours to come to my aid, I was going  insane, I couldn't take it, I did not understand what was before my eyes. The neighbours ignored me only one woman was kind enough to tell me,

"The thing wey u see so, no be me go talk am" Omawumi again? I begged her to be plain and she said "ask your daughter it's not the first time".

I lost it and I went inside I dragged my daughter into the next room and locked the door, I begged my child to tell me what had happened, she had come around by this time and she began to kill me with her words,

"Mummy this is not the first time, Daddy said he will do the same to Ekaette (my youngest daughter who was 3years old) if I told you,he said you had made him do it, he said if I told you he will leave and never come back and that you were going to be sad and miserable without him, I did not want that to happen". For some reasons I did not weep I just stared into empty space while my daughter kept recounting her ordeal.

"It started three months ago, Dad gave me a special drink and asked that I sit with him and drink it, after that I felt dizzy and when I woke up I was in pains and daddy gave me drugs, he refused to tell me what had happened to me".

"The last time he gave me the drink I refused to drink it but he did not know, he came to my room at night when we were all asleep and began to touch me, I begged him to stop, I began to cry but he threatened me, he said he was going to touch Ekaette too, I begged him not to and promised to co-operate".

"He pulled my nightie, he was already naked and he began to kiss me, I tried to fight him but I couldn’t and he began to touch me down there, he told me I was sweet and before I knew it he was on top of me, it was very painful and when he was done I was bleeding.He said I should smile and not cry, he said I had just saved your marriage".

"Today he asked me to tell you I had a terrible stomach ache, I had left you a note under the tea cup asking you not to leave me but you refused to drink your tea despite how much I begged you. When you left he forced that drink down my throat and I became weak,he said he was going to show me how much he loves me, he got the entire house set and peeled off my clothes and took me into the bath, he was bathing and touching me all over but I was too weak to stop him, my eyes were dim and I seemed to be asleep so I told myself it was just a dream", and then you walked in.

I got up and took my daughter with me, I went to the garage and got my car filled with my children's clothing's and my credentials, I dropped by school to pick-up my younger children and dropped them at my mother's house with the promise that I will back, a promise I knew I would not keep.

I went home seemingly calm, and met the beast in the parlour he acted like nothing happened. I made him dinner, my mind was lost, I do not know how I managed to remain in the same room with him.

I retired to our matrimonial bed and I laid on one end, I was thinking of what I was going to do, I thought about the next step, maybe I slept off I cannot remember but I remember the last straw that broke the camel's back.

He came onto me, that beast of a husband was tugging at my jean which I had failed to lock with a padlock, he tried to kiss me, I stopped him for a moment and asked him what his problem was and he said, "am your husband and your body belongs to me".

I could not wait and ask him the questions on my mind I rushed out with all the adrenaline rushing through my body and I went to the kitchen and got the afang Knife, and just like I expected he was right behind and I dugged the knife right through his heart. He laid in the pool of his blood and I called His family members to show up for a family meeting the next morning, I also called my mother to show up with my kids.

I laid awake in the kitchen, the next morning my in-laws arrived and I brought them into the kitchen to see for themselves, I narrated to them the events that laid up to this.

My in-laws blamed me for their son's death, nobody was talking about my defiled daughter, to make matters worse they said she wasn't his child, they said my husband was a man and such things were bound to happen, they said I should begin to think of where to take my bastard children to because they would not allow a murderer enjoy the fruits of their son's labour after he was gone.

I could not take it anymore, I went inside my room and brought out a gun and shot into the air I asked them to leave my house before I killed the next person, my brother -in-law approached me and made to hit me and I shot him in the leg, they called the police and I was handed over.

My hearing is next week and these are the questions I want to ask the Judge

My Lord,

Was it my fault that I married such a man?

Was it my fault that my daughter was defiled?

I did try to protect her, I went to get them from school always, I did not let any stranger near my children.I had no relation or maid living in my house!

Was it not reflex to have made sure the person who hurt my child so much had no power to do so any more?

What will you do to the man who took away your daughter's dignity?

What will you do to protect your daughter's honour?

What will you do to save your child?

If you were Judge what will you do?

#girlfromthesouth

MY FIRST MURDER

OKRA- called ATIKE IN ANNANG (NIGERIAN LANGUAGE)

"JUST BEFORE I DIE"

AFRICAN SALAD-Considering this write write-up is not palatable.

*************************************************

This is another one from the past;

July 8, 2012 at 2:58pm ·

Just before I die these are the words I have to say;

To my Family;

I giggle a whole lot when I think if you all I wonder what you all will say when you hear the news of my death perhaps some of you will Bag a Grammy award because of the lead role you will unconsciously play in crying me a river as if that will wake me up.

I also wonder who you will call first to tell of my Demise how pitiable. Seriously will you wait to be asked before you tell the entire world that I no longer belong here with the living?

TO MY TRIPLETS

This is some piece I wrote in  July, 9 2012....thought to share from my facebook notes.

To my triplets whom I HAD OUT OF WEDLOCK
I have this to say to you;
Your father has denied you, but with my feeble heart
I will be both a mother and father to you.
I have always wanted to see you,
But I didn’t know you will come so Soon
When I have nothing to offer you but my selfless LOVE.

The other day your father saw me , but he denied me
He denied he had ever feasted on my body…….
But I tell you my babies no matter what comes,
I will always stand by you, but if death takes me
I have made a good name and have helped people,
 so same will be done for you.

My sweet babies if death wants to take you too ,
I will humbly give my life in exchange for yours.
We are bonded and nothing can change that.
At a point, your father’s act of denial
Took a painful toll on me,
when I thought of your lovely faces,
 I decided to get over it and be strong for you all
I know you will be very cute at least your father is very cute,
and I your mum sure is .

Together we will form a formidable force,
A LOVE your father will never experience
Should he come back the heavens bless his soul cos…….


I have sold all that I have so that
YOU WILL BE BORN WITH A ‘SILVER SPOON’
 I WENT TO BUY A ‘GOLDEN SPOON’,
AND THEY REFUSED TO SELL IT TO ME

My friends have made mockery of me but your
Heartbeat gives me the confidence I need …….
My sweet babies please be happy at least the day I CONCIEVED YOU
YOUR FATHER TOLD ME ‘HE LOVES ME’
Be happy that your father was not another woman'
s husband.
I NEVER STOLE HIM RATHER HE DID ……

FROM THE MILK FACTORY

SCREAM!!!!!!
I woke up very upset, mad at the world for many things, I was especially mad from the events that took place the previous day.
I have been a good mother, or at least am trying to be, am doing the entire exclusive breastfeeding thing. You know how stressful that is?
Nine months out of shape am still trying to get into shape, I have a husband to please.
I have been sent into Mbobo, so I could eat well enough to take care of my new bundle of Joy.
Let's cut the chase,

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

Dear Future Husband,

Tonight is one of those nights that I wish we had become one. This isn't about some twitch and chemical reactions in my body sending my brain some kind of signals, it's about telling you a lot of important stuffs.

Ininghe, I hope you and I build a life of fun, Joy and laughter, I hope we find the faith to love each other everyday. I also pray we can live with each other no matter the storms that come our way.

Ima-ndo, am scared of taking that huge step down the aisle with you; I fear one day,I will snore too loud that you will think of leaving me.

Am scared one day I will scream too hard that you will hit me.

Am scared one day, I will grow too fat and you will look elsewhere.

Am scared one day you will wake up and tell me it's not working.

Am scared one day you will love me less should we not have male children.

Am scared one day you will make the price of our marriage children.

Am scared you will love our daughter more and then i will just be a second wife.

Am scared one day you will come home and refuse to eat my food or touch me.

Ebe-ndo, Divorce!! that's the word have been too scared to say, I do not want that to ever happen to us, I can't stand letting go of those vows, you are going to be the center of my world how am I supposed to live without you. How much damage are we going to do to our kids? Please stay with me.

Being equal: 

my dear husband I do not want to be your equal because I can never be, it will be a total ruin if I were your equal, I would have no need for you if I were. I want to be your unequal,the incomplete that makes you complete, the weaker vessel that makes your heart beat. 

I do not want equal rights like you in our home, I will lose the lifetime opportunity to truly be a woman, I want to lure you like samson was lured, I want to charm you like solomon was. I want to go to bed everyday knowing I have what it takes to make a king go on his knees, I want to wake up everyday knowing I have a king to please, Lo, if I were your equal I would be deprived of this.

We may not have candle lights, chandeliers hanging over us at dinner, but I promise to make our little home paradise.

Promise me you will let me work, promise me you will let me name our kids.

Am going to love your family like mine, but you need to promise me you will ensure am treated like your wife. I promise to love your mother and not label her a witch.

Ima-esit,

Will you come with me to the labour room? Do u promise not to panick? am going to be fine

I hope you will discipline our children, teach our sons how to be proper gentlemen, you will teach them to respect women.

How will you protect our kids from the homosexuality taking over the world? How will you teach our sons to be independent @ 9.

Finally my soulmate, promise me you will not be unfaithful,it will kill me, I will live the rest of my life faithful to you, am not going to get bored, if you are looking for variety you can ask that I wear a different perfume every night for you. I know there are desperate girls ,and I know you are human but please stay faithful not because you love me, (love is not always enough) but because you will offend god, because we will go down as a family, because I will die inside everyday, because it is easy to repeat, because you may get black mailed, because you will invite a stranger to our matrimonial bed.

Love,

Your Future wife